What is Love?

“To love is to will the good of another” (St. Thomas Aquinas)

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There is only one real expert when it comes to love.  In a world full of broken hearts and broken relationships, no one understands the human heart better than God, who is Love (1 John 4:8, 16). 

We are all called to “love our neighbor as ourselves” (Mark 12:31). Sadly, many find it difficult to love others and themselves because they do not fully understand God’s love. But once we discover how much God truly loves us, our lives are transformed forever and our love for others becomes more genuine and authentic.

The Power of Love

Some of the greatest sinners became the greatest saints once they recognized God’s unconditional love for them.

One such person was Bartolo Longo, an Italian lawyer who, in the 1860s, became an ordained satanic priest.  He blindly plunged into a world of darkness and the destruction of innocent lives.

But his family and friends did not give up on him. Through the grace of God and the power of the Rosary, Bartolo eventually renounced his allegiance to Satan.  On October 7, 1871, he became a tertiary member of the Dominicans and dedicated his life to Jesus through the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Soon after, Bartolo met Countess Marianna Farnararo De Fusco in the village of Pompei. Together, they did many charitable works that included providing for orphans and children of prisoners. Under the guidance of Pope Leo XIII, the two were married on April 7, 1885. 

With the Countess’ help, Bartolo began restoring a dilapidated church in 1873, which eventually became a basilica. It is now a popular place of pilgrimage known as the Shrine of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary of Pompei.

Through the power of love, Bartolo transformed and dedicated his life to serving God and others. The fact that a former satanic priest found the path to sainthood proves that there is no one beyond God’s love and mercy.

We Love Because God First Loved Us

In the first letter of St. John, we are reminded: “We love because God first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Once we know how much we are loved by God, we will find it easier to love ourselves and others.  But when we reject His Divine love, our hearts may become cold and empty, making it difficult to love those around us.

Building a healthy, loving relationship with God is the key to growing and remaining in love.

And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him. (1 John 4:16).

Reflecting on the following points may help us to build a stronger relationship with Our Lord:

If we share the same kind of love Our Lord has for us with our family, friends, and significant others, we know we are in a healthy, loving relationship.

Four Types of Love

Ancient Greek philosophers used different words to describe several types of love. Clive Staples (C.S.) Lewis wrote a book in 1960 called The Four Loves, which highlights the most common classical loves found in relationships:

Love is Unconditional

Agape or Charity is the highest form of love, entirely selfless and unconditional.  The word “Charity” comes from the Latin “Caritas,” which is a transliteration of the Greek term “Agape” (ἀγάπη). This type of love disregards emotions or feelings and acts purely on the will, the highest human faculty. St. Thomas Aquinas proclaimed: “To love is to will the good of another” (STh I-II,26 4, corp. art.).

Charity, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, is “the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God” (CCC 1822).

Unconditional love is supernatural or Divine Love.  God does not put limits or conditions on his love for us. Before his crucifixion, Jesus gathered his disciples together and said,

A new commandment I give unto you: That you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this shall all know that you are my disciples if you have love one for another. (John 13:34-35).

Christ calls us to imitate His Divine Love by elevating the commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself” to a supernatural level of loving one another as God loves us.

Natural love is good, but it has its limits and is self-centered. It is natural to love our family (storge), friends (philia), and romantic partner (eros).  Because self-love feeds on emotions and feelings, we put limits and restrictions to protect ourselves from getting hurt.  

Supernatural love, or Divine Love, has no limits and is God-centered.  Christ calls us to imitate his unconditional love for us by rising above our human emotions and choosing to love even when it hurts.  This type of love is not based on any feelings and requires us to unite our will to God’s will, which is to love one another as Our Heavenly Father loves us.

Love is a Commitment

Christ showed us that true love is not only unconditional but a real commitment. 

According to the Cambridge English dictionary, the definition of the word “commitment” is the “willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something you believe In.”

To possess eternal life, Jesus said we must do the following:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. (Luke 10:25-27).

To be “all in” is to be fully committed. Building healthy, loving relationships is a lifelong journey. It requires a daily commitment or decision to give everything we have– all our heart, mind, soul, and energy– into loving God and neighbor.

Love is a Sacrifice

Jesus said: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). By dying on the Cross, he showed the ultimate act of love: self-sacrifice.

St. Paul, in his letter to the Romans, declares:

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:7-8).

The fact that Jesus was willing to die for us so that we may have eternal life shows the greatness of his love. He also shows us that the only path to perfect love in heaven is through the way of the Cross. He calls his disciples to follow him:

If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. (Luke 9:23)

Love is Merciful

Jesus encourages us to strive for perfect love, which includes choosing to love and forgive our worst enemies. He gave the best example on the Cross when he said: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). During his public ministry, he taught:

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)

Love is Patient

Patience is the first quality of love identified by St. Paul in his letter to the Corinthians. This virtue is worth taking the time to reflect on. The word “patience” comes from the Latin patientia, a transliteration of the Greek term “makrothumia” (μακροθυμία), which means “forbearance, long-suffering”. According to the 1910 New Catholic Dictionary:

Patience is a form of the moral virtue of fortitude. It enables one to endure present evils without sadness or resentment in conformity with the will of God. Patience is mainly concerned with bearing the evils caused by another. The three grades of patience are:      1) to bear difficulties without interior complaint, 2) to use hardships to make progress in virtue, and 3) even to desire the Cross and afflictions out of love for God and accept them with spiritual joy.

St. Paul gave us a list of the qualities of perfect love, which we may use to determine if we are operating on self-love or Divine love.  For example, when we are impatient and unkind, we know we are full of self-love.  But when we exude patience and kindness amidst the worst-case scenarios, we know we are full of Divine love.

Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)